Elegant insults
I usually hate these sorts of things, but language holds a certain *dork-tastic* fascination for me and some of these had me laughing out loud. There was a short period when my college major was semiotics before I realized how worthless it would be. I have great admiration and respect for those whose command of the language exceeds that of the "average" troglodyte flailing about around these days (and I include myself in this evaluation. For this reason, I *adore* Oscar Wilde (either the wallpaper goes or I do), the old and jaded Mark Twain (think letters from the earth era) and the surprisingly witty and intelligent (for a statesman), Winston Churchill. Hope some of you enjoy....
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my
husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the
gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said
Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -
Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill (to HarryTruman about Clement Atlee)
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). I *loathe* Hemingway and this is one of the few topics I will stick to...try and change my mind...do ya feel lucky, punk?
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) What a pathetic hack, just shoot yourself and put the rest of us out of your misery....sorry, I *really* hate Hemingway, mostly due to the fact tha
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it."
Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
Abraham Lincoln
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar
Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is
one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -
Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -
Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack
E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -
Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (18 44-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening But this wasn't it." - Groucho
Marx
